Ch-ch-changes

Getting Sharp

I used to have a blog. It was called "Chubbykins Goes Down". A rather clever play on words, thought I. Referencing my stature as a person of a roly-poly nature and my struggle to deflate said chubbiness, as well as a shout out to the excellent film, Igby Goes Down, it was a fine name for a blog. My mom read it, and maybe sometimes some other folks stumbled over it. My mom thinks I am special, so she told some people in her office to come check out my brilliant little corner of webdom.  

So, Dustin* and his partner sat down for a merry night of bloggy goodness and typed, "Chubbygirl Goes Down" in the URL bar. Uh yeah, not what they were expecting apparently. Although I'm sure that site is brilliant in it's own right.  Anyhoooo, that little mix up had never occurred to me before but now it's all I can think of. So, I've moved all my posts to this shiny new blog, where, god willing no one will need any therapy after viewing. 

 

Moral of the story is, please, please, please follow me on my new site:

Getting Sharp

Really, go there now. become a follower. More tales from the menagerie will reward your loyalty.

*Name changed to protect the innocent.

Fashionably Late

I am late to the "Happy New Year" hullabaloo. My apologies, traffic was simply crushing, my heel broke, I was a bit under the weather, my alarm never went off, and assorted other excuses. The truth is I spent most of the holiday season, including the New Year's day and eve sorting out some relationship issues. What can I say? It's complicated folks. Also, love stinks.

But never mind all that now. What matters is now, this ordinary moment right here. At least that's what Pema Chodron has to say on the matter of the first month of the new year. I love these calendars from her, because sometimes it's all I can do to pause and enjoy those fleeting moments of beauty. Believe it or not, I pause at my little calender posted on my pantry door and read those words more times a day than might be seemly. Do you think that counts as meditation?

There is some good stuff coming this year folks, My health goals remain a priority and I add my writing practice to the rooster. Next week I join a writing group focused on personal memoir writing. I'm planning to expand the blog and maybe even join the blogosphere? If y'all will have me, of course. My vision is a little bit funny, part poetry, always writing, gardening, cooking/eating, and family shenanigans. Is a name change in order? Talk to me people. If you do, I promise to make you some of these:


And yes, those are four different kinds of chocolate chips plus mini dark m&m's. There might also be a few peanut butter chips hiding out in there too. Just sayin.

Blood and Roses

"You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again"

-On the Radio
Regina Spektor

Even if I didn't like Regina Spektor's music (which I do), I think this would still be one of my favorite bits of poetry/lyric in the world. I get chills every time I hear it, and a few weeks ago when I was huffing and puffing it on the treadmill, this song came on the ipod and helped me push through that workout.

You see, I've been going through a bit of a rough patch lately, and I may have lost sight of the things inside myself to love. I may have given them all away and I now I can't get them back. But you know what? It's gonna be ok, because I'm just gonna do it all again. ...and again...and again.

I bought myself these lovely roses the other day, and even though they weren't the prettiest roses I saw, I took the time to smell all the bunches and this bunch tickled my nose buds just right. Perhaps a reminder to myself that everything in this world has a special place somewhere and is valued, maybe not valued for what it's expected to be, but precious nonetheless. The roses mean a lot to me because part of my struggle right now is financial and I saw these flowers as a way to treat myself to something now, before my belt gets really tight.

There are many folks who might find this rather out of character for me, but flowers are one of the gifts I really do appreciate. I know a lot people are divided on this subject, I've heard many friends say they would rather have some thing more practical, or longer lasting, or just save the money, but I have some very special memories of flowers in my life.

The pink carnations from my first boyfriend in sixth grade, the red roses in a rose shaped vase my father brought me upon our first meeting, my aunt's gorgeous white rose/purple iris/ivy wedding bouquet that she made for me, the red roses on my 20th birthday (the day I brought Q home from the hospital), the big expensive arrangement on my 26th birthday, the heart stopping bouquet from my mom last Valentines day...

What about the rest of you? Where do you fall in the flower debate?

But that's sooo unfair...

On Thanksgiving I came home to an almost empty very cold house. Q was at his dad's house in Idaho, D was at a big poker tourney ( he lost, but respectably) and there was no blazing fire in Big Flamey (which is what I would call my wood stove if I were going to give it a name). There was however one cranky brother laying on the couch watching Hostel 2. I really can't do scary movies at all, so I retreated into my bedroom where I was able to enjoy my new "sitting room" area for the first time. I lit the candles on the mantle snuggled up with a blanky and watched 2 hours of Iron Chef. It was actually one of the nicest evening I think I've had in the house.

But then I was watching this show and looking at these people who eat so much food all the time and thinking about the people I know in my own life who can eat absolutely anything they want anytime they want and not gain anything, even without exercising. Sooo unfair! However, I started thinking a little deeper about the advantages I have. I don't drink soda, or alcohol (occasionally, but not enough to really impact my diet), I'm a good cook and able to make lots of healthy adaptations without much research, I love fruits and veggies and lots of other "healthy hippie food", and I have a lot of access to fresh "real" foods. So, from a relative point of view, that might be unfair to others. Oh contentment, you are an elusive and demanding mistress...

Have You Learned Your Lesson Yet?

I've been thinking a lot lately. Like more than usual. I've been thinking about how I wish that I were further along in my weight loss efforts and my higher education efforts and my financial goals and my house decorating...you get the picture , right?

So then I start thinking about what Pema Chodron says about being impatient with the present and wanting a different reality, even though nothing can end until we have learned what the situation has to teach us. I like to try and be efficient sometimes, so I start asking myself, "OK self, what are you supposed to be learning right now?" You know, so I can learn my lesson and move on. And then it hits me like a two by four in the back of the head...I have no idea what lesson I am supposed to be learning. Should I just invent one or two or six? Because I certainly can. I can think of all kinds of things I should have "understood" by now. But maybe, for right now it is just about doing in the moment we have and moving forward with faith.

There is just one thing that I really may not have been able to understand without my current situation and struggle. There are many people that are able to care about me, to care about me deeply and push me to be the very best version of me. However, I am the only person who can ever be charged with caring for me. This is my body and my life and I have to learn how to show it love with the decisions that only I am able to make for it. Duh, right? Well, somehow that particular good common sense slipped by me. The greatest (and hardest) love of all might be self love.

Saturday Afternoon Delight

Well, as usual Saturday is about the busiest day at our house. Somehow Friday night always seems to blend into the day as well. Last night I did another 50 minutes on treadmill which means I did four days of major treadmill challenge this week. I also had my second acupuncture session after the workout and I can really feel a difference in my stress and anxiety levels.

We kicked off this morning with a visit from the cable guy to remove our filter and install a brand spankin new DVR. Wow...it's a whole lotta TV up in here folks. I really had no idea. I'm excited for all the great shows I've been missing, yet concerned for our productivity.

After checking out the "on demand" feature with a viewing of "Sunny", we headed out to Toast for one of Portland's absolute best brunch offerings. I am not a big drinker, but it is tough for me to turn down a really good Bloody Mary and Toast really delivers. To go with the Mary, I had the "Bad Ass Sandwich", Dusty had the "Dismal Times" and Quin had the comparatively dully named "Apple & Pear French Toast".

With full bellies and happy hearts we toddled back home, where Dusty had to get ready for work and Q and I headed over the Freemont bridge into NW Portland to visit our friend Malarie at Bishops Barbershop for some much needed haircuts. Quin's turned out great, although he tried to convince me that he needed some new shoes to go with his new "doo". Finally home and I'm gonna cuddle in for the night and get up early tomorrow to start in on the Christmas shopping.

Of Greens Galore

Oh the neglect! I've been failing at my goal to post at least every other day and now I must atone. So busy around these parts! Last Saturday I went out to my co-worker, Jill's house with another co-worker to work on mosaics. Jill is an incredibly talented mosaic artist ( you can look at her work here) along with being an amazing gardener and very cool chick. We worked on our projects (we are making house number plaques) in her swanky greenhouse and it was so much fun to just be creative and enjoy time in such a soothing and inspiring space.
Then on Sunday, we got our brand new BIG TV put up, cables moved around, furniture rearranged, and I made some very very tasty spinach/mushroom/onion/goat cheese galette style tarts with a salad of baby greens and citrus champagne vinaigrette. Not to toot my own horn, but yummmmm! So after all the rearranging in the house my sweet boyfriend got the garage all cleaned up, put in some storage shelves and arranged the furniture out there to be a good "man cave" area. Organization makes me sooo happy.


On the health front, I didn't exercise at all over the weekend and had a big brunch on Sunday so I have some work to do this week. Monday and Tuesday were both good, an hour on the treadmill each night plus some arms on Monday. I was supposed to start my pilates class last night, but some kind of extreme tiredness got to me, I was asleep on the couch by 7 p.m. Food has been OK, not great, but I am getting there. We made green smoothies at work yesterday and we are going to make some more today so that should help. I've also been thinking a lot about how much I miss working within a feminist and empowering framework. The company I work for is really great in a lot of ways, but there is really something special about being nurtured and challenged by thinking that is informed by principles of social justice and critical thought.